The L Word

If you look up the word "love" in the dictionary you will find well over thirty definations for this four letter... one syllable... easily pronounced word ... thinking about that i have come to realize that although i have experianced many different types of love it was not till very recent that i have experianced some real hard hitting.. knock you off your shoes kind of love... you know... the kind they write movies about... it started off typical.. with the family "id die for you" love... then the "friends that become family" type love.. that soon progressed in to puppie love.. which pretty much consists of young crushes i had when i was a kid.. the boys i would stair at during class and write poems about.. the older girlfriends of my guy friends.. who got it.. and knew i got knots in my stomach when she looked at me.. and who am i kidding... i wrote poems about her too... then i moved on to young love.. which i have experiance many times.. it was my first boyfriends.. the guys i sat next to in spanish class.. who now when i think about it werent even that cute but they were the first boys to pay attention to me so i went for it.. these usually lasted one to nine months tops.. i was devestated over the break up.. but lucky me.. a week later i had another young love... i also experianced the flip side of young love many years later when i was about twenty one.. he was the puppie... it was cute.. it was sweet... and it didnt last long... soon after my young love experiances i found my first "true" love... i was eight teen and he was the one i thought that would be forever... i was young and dumb and by two years into the relationship had our wedding planned out and names for our kids... soon after it was over.. that was one of the most difficult ones.. i didnt understand how i could invest so much time in to someone and then in an instant it was taken away from me.. it took about a year to recover.. after that i had the "im bored" loves which didnt last more than 3 months each... the "leave my toothbrush and clothes at his place" love... and then the "im staying in this to make a point even if he kills me and burys me in a shallow grave" love... it was after barely escaping that with a shred of dignity i decided... no more.. none of that was real love.. if at best they were elementry and desprate attempts at love.. i was starting to think that i never had been in love and that i just loved the idea of what love was supposed to be.. this fantastic feeling we are supposed to experiance as human beings.. and i just wanted it so bad that i was mistaking everything else for it...