Its the real thing

After recently reading a friends blog and then having a conversation with my best friend about a similar topic this whole battle between coke and pepsi has been an extreamly trivial thought on my mind.. i remember being a kid when the whole thing started for me.. you could go to the supermarket... or was it the mall?.. anyway you could go to one of those places and take "the test"... but only if you were brave enough to admit defeat if you were dupet into thinking one was the other... i remember my friends being hell bent on getting it right the first time spending hours drinking coke then pepsi.. and again coke then pepsi... we would go into the store confidant that we knew which cola was which.... and would be shocked at how obvious it was to tell the difference... ever since then there has been a split in socioty between the coke lovers and the pepsi lovers... i myself am an avid diet coke drinker i just enjoy the fresh crisp taste and although diet pepsi has a similar crisp taste there is just a whole lot missing... in my personal opinion ofcourse.. therefor there are very few times when i stray from my product loyality... but it happens at weak moments when diet pepsi is the only diet cola avaiable and i forget how strongly i dislike it.. i put my dollar fifty into the machine and go for mine... and why not? diet coke is delicious therefor this other diet cola must be delicious.. because really how different can two colas be... it is there with in the first sip that i get snapped back into reality and realize the mistake i made... and in my upset drink through the rest of the bottle endlessly pondering how it could be that two colas so similar in look can be so different in taste.

A Shot at Love

oh tila tequila and your crazy bisexual antics.. an exploitation of a very real and extreamly confusing lifestyle... first of all let me start off by saying.. bisexual is a word i have always hated.. although i loath the abriviation bi even more.. and maybe it is because of that that people spend a good majority of their life hiding from who they truely are... i always had a judgemental attitude about who bisexual women really were... i felt and still feel like the word bisexual is used too loosly... that straight girls who want to make out with other straight girls to get a mans attention use being bisexual as an excuse to do so if they do not get the boy... which is making it more difficult for real bisexual woman floating in a sexual limbo to be taken seriously, understood, and accepted.. the gays either treat you like a leper or try hard to get you fully on their side.. which dont get me wrong, is a beautiful thing.. and i understand the fear of becoming involved with someone that is walking the line as tightly as a bisexual would.. the straights simply dont get it.. and trying to explain it to them would probably be more successful if you just started speaking in toungs... im not saying every gay and every straight react exactly in those lines. im just throwing out an overall generalization... and while im at it lets not forget the straight men... now i have witnessed many different reactions... theres the guys that really arnet phased and just want the best for you weather it ends up being a lasting relationship with a man or a woman.. theres some that think its cool but have the steriotypical gay girl = big butch and suddenly think your their "bro"... and then theres the guys that think its a treat for them and that if you like both then they can get in on that.. seriously now what are the chances of that actually happening.. i just dont understand where that thinking comes from... i have yet to meet a straight woman who wants to get in on a threesome with two bisexual males.. and to be honest that just made me vomit in my mouth alittle... yet once again it was an overall generalization.. so while this blog may have left some of you with some confused or angry feelings... it is my truth.. and a friend recently told me to speak the truth if i can

The L Word

If you look up the word "love" in the dictionary you will find well over thirty definations for this four letter... one syllable... easily pronounced word ... thinking about that i have come to realize that although i have experianced many different types of love it was not till very recent that i have experianced some real hard hitting.. knock you off your shoes kind of love... you know... the kind they write movies about... it started off typical.. with the family "id die for you" love... then the "friends that become family" type love.. that soon progressed in to puppie love.. which pretty much consists of young crushes i had when i was a kid.. the boys i would stair at during class and write poems about.. the older girlfriends of my guy friends.. who got it.. and knew i got knots in my stomach when she looked at me.. and who am i kidding... i wrote poems about her too... then i moved on to young love.. which i have experiance many times.. it was my first boyfriends.. the guys i sat next to in spanish class.. who now when i think about it werent even that cute but they were the first boys to pay attention to me so i went for it.. these usually lasted one to nine months tops.. i was devestated over the break up.. but lucky me.. a week later i had another young love... i also experianced the flip side of young love many years later when i was about twenty one.. he was the puppie... it was cute.. it was sweet... and it didnt last long... soon after my young love experiances i found my first "true" love... i was eight teen and he was the one i thought that would be forever... i was young and dumb and by two years into the relationship had our wedding planned out and names for our kids... soon after it was over.. that was one of the most difficult ones.. i didnt understand how i could invest so much time in to someone and then in an instant it was taken away from me.. it took about a year to recover.. after that i had the "im bored" loves which didnt last more than 3 months each... the "leave my toothbrush and clothes at his place" love... and then the "im staying in this to make a point even if he kills me and burys me in a shallow grave" love... it was after barely escaping that with a shred of dignity i decided... no more.. none of that was real love.. if at best they were elementry and desprate attempts at love.. i was starting to think that i never had been in love and that i just loved the idea of what love was supposed to be.. this fantastic feeling we are supposed to experiance as human beings.. and i just wanted it so bad that i was mistaking everything else for it...

I am top line.

Tower Records Massapequa... How May I Help You?

As I was driving down merrick road today i saw a man walking with a Tower Records bag... i then almost slammed into the car infront of me because my brain was flooded with memories and a tiny bit of sadness the second the screaming yellow and red bag came into my eye sight... i spent six years of my life being an employee of Tower Records... granted i quit twice and was hired three times that place was my second home for six years straight... however now its two months shy of the year anniversary of the stores closing.. and its all bitter sweet... i remeber everythign about my time spent there.. from the day i walked in and filled out an application.. to my interview the next day.. to the first day i started two days aftermy interview.. i remember the people and the events like they happened yesturday... i made my best friends and my worst enamies inside those walls.. we all laughed.. a bunch of us cried... and a few of us fought... however all of those ingrediants made us the family we are today... over the years in my life i have had many different groups of friends from many different situations i have been involved in... those friends have all come and gone especially in the past seven years.. my family from tower are the only friends that have stuck and stayed with me through out... now when we drive down Sunrise Highway past Tower Records Massapequa.. we see a Halloween store which is fitting seeing that most of of our fav holiday is halloween and we celebrated that holiday the hardest.. it is also coincidental that as i write this Seinfeld is on television seeing whom ever was on staff the final year knew every word to every episode on seasons five and six due to a damaged copy of the box set we carried... i love most everyone i worked with... you are my family and without you i would not be the person i am today... my glass is raised to you.

New Blog

I havent had a blog since i was in my early twenties using my mothers pc.. i would write about what most twenty year old girls would write about... boys... college... heart break.. friends.. what movies i went to see... Now i am twenty seven years old and although it doesnt seem like that much time has passed it has definatly been ages since... so now id like to think id write about more mature things... more life changing... important.. save the world type things... but in reality i am jaded by life... i still go to the movies... and my heart still breaks.. however its takes more than a boy to break it.. my mind is filled with questions and confusion... my soul aches for a better understanding of who i am and what life has planned for me.. there has been many bumps in my metaphorically speaking "road"... bumps that have realistically changed the future as i once would dream... so with that i hope that my posts can bring at least a good read to whom ever stumbles upon them... i questioned why i would post personal issues on the internet for the world to see... and after stairing at my book shelf full of journals from the past thirteen years that only i have read i have discovered that for the past thirteen years i have just been talking to myself.. so now although my spelling is poor and my grammer a shame im sharing myself with the world and talking to you.